IT’S YOUR FAULT.. YOUR LIFE THAT IS

LIVNO, BOSNIA AND HERZEGOVINA JUNE 2000

This was meant to be my summer. I had worked for the previous 5 years to save enough $$$ to pay for a round trip to Bosnia. Man, it was hard to save that much money, working minimum wage, part-time. But I did it and had a pocket full of change to buy some freedom. 

My dad had to pay for my plane ticket because my credit card limit wasn’t high enough. I had found the best deal through a travel agent. My excitement was through the roof. I had a stack of $20s totaling up to almost $2000 ready for my dad. I still remember lifting up the mattress in my parents’ bedroom, where I kept my savings. 

OG savings account refugee style friends.

Counting the bills on my parents’ bed, and walking into our family room, proud of my accomplishment. 

I had earned this! I was giddy, and my jaw hurt slightly from smiling. 

After he paid for my plane ticket dad had this serious slightly annoyed look on his face. My dad is almost always serious, but this was different, and I could tell.

I remember very vividly, him telling me how stupid I was to go to Bosnia for 3 months. It was irresponsible, and I was better than that. I should stay home and work the summer so I could pay for my next year’s tuition, and maybe go for a few weeks if I absolutely had to go visit. 

Balloon Pooped!

A stack of $20s sitting on the glass table separating us. The disappointment on my dad’s face, fury and blood rushing to mine. I still see this today in my mind’s eye. It’s funny what stays with you. 

My dad is practical, logical, and brilliant so obviously 🙄 he was wrong 😔. Young and stupid, I was! -my inner Yoda is strong.

Guys, I was so mad at my dad for saying the truth. THE TRUTH! I still remember the heat rising in my face and the indigent, entitled, self-absorbed shadow coming out. 

The thoughts running through my head:

✅ Gosh, I’d been working since I was 15 years old. At times, 2-3 jobs as well as attending full-time class. 

✅ I deserved a break!

✅ And I paid for it!

I had all the excuses to justify my mistake, while fully knowing in my heart, it was my mistake. 

I was an idiot! 

I was so excited, not to have a job, no responsibilities, no agenda, just fun! Until the money ran out I could do what I wanted. 

When I got to Bosnia most days I was so fucking bored. SO BORED! Sure I loved reconnecting with my girlfriends, spending time with my grandmas, uncle, and aunt. But that only covered a small chunk of a very long summer day. The adventure, the excitement of what I imagined the summer of freedom would be, were washed down with reality. 

👎 Boredom

👎  no purpose

👎  no direction

👎  no goals

👎  slight depression.

I tried getting a job, in a place where unemployment was through the roof 😂. That failed!

I missed working. 

I missed the challenge.

I missed achievement. 

I missed opportunities. 

I under appreciated the only asset that really matters.

Time.

The currency of life. 

20 years ago I learned this lesson. You will be distracted by all sorts of wants, needs, and desires. You will make choices that will take you closer or further away from your goals and purpose. You will forever be responsible for your decisions, and your conditions. It’s your choice.

It’s your fault.

It’s all up to you. 

XOXO